No sense in worrying about it...

"There is nothing you can do about it, so there is no sense in worrying about it."

Not only am I still going to worry about it, but that is exactly WHY I am worried about it. If there were something I could do about "it," I would just do it, and then not have to worry about "it" in the first place. I've never understood why people think that line will make me feel better.

Like mother, like daughter...

I have been a worrier as long as I can remember. It doesn't take much to set off that all-too-familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach. Right now, for example, I have a very suspicious looking hangnail (just kidding-but I actually wouldn't put that too far past me). Unfortunately, Louise has adopted my worrying. Her first anxiety attack consisted of her uncontrollably licking the floor so much that she threw up. Mine manifests itself slightly differently. When Louise has one of her "moments," Patrick likes to pet her and say, "Louise, you have anxiety. Anxiety does not have you." It seems to help her a bit. It reminds her that she is in control.


Here is something that I learned from my friend, Dr. Jason Selk. Answer the following question:

What is ONE thing I can do that COULD make this better? 

Yes, it is that simple. The moment you stop thinking about the problem and start focusing on a possible solution, you've stopped yourself from spiraling lower and lower and lower. That first solution may not work, but at least you've given yourself something to focus on other than the problem. If that solution doesn't work, ask yourself the question again and again and again. Keep doing this until it is better.

If that doesn't work, just start licking the floor...

Just kidding, it WILL work.  

P.S. Dr. Selk has a very helpful blog here.

Cognitive Dissonance...

I am feeling a little blah these days, and I can only be funny when I am happy. Check back later...

Well....let me give it a shot...

I've been thinking recently about how certain behaviors have a funny way of creeping in and becoming a part of a person's idea of self. This works in obvious ways, such as if a person frequently performs well in math class, he might go on to consider himself a "math person." If a person often gets compliments her clothes, she might think of herself fashionable. I was noticing recently that certain aspects of "Ellen" have started to creep in without my awareness.

For example, I have gotten many shocked reactions from people when I show them my mountainous heaps of clean, unfolded laundry in my laundry room. I feel I am starting to subconsciously think to myself, "I shouldn't fold that load of laundry. Ellen doesn't fold laundry. That would be so hypocritical of me!"

Step 1/Step 6

Patrick finally broke down and brought all the clean laundry upstairs so that we can have a constant reminder of how much laundry we need to fold. This is a Step 1 of getting it folded. Step 2 will be to start thinking about folding it. Step 3 will be to actually think about folding it. Step 4 will be to get a phone call saying that someone is planning on dropping by our house. Step 5 will be to panic-stricken-ly (yes, I just made up that word) carry it all back to the laundry room so that it is out of sight for our visitors. Step 6, see Step 1.

Step 5 is crucial because it is very important for my actions (or lack thereof) to coincide with my ideas of self. Otherwise, I would be all out of whack. And I didn't just make that up. That is a real psychological phenomenon...

...Well, maybe I can be kind of funny...

Check out ALIVE Magazine's Buzz List issue! No big deal...

Open publication - Free publishing - More amendola

If you love me, dance, and/or St. Louis (any one of the 3 will do), find out how you can help or be involved with St. Louis Dance Theatre! More info on our website www.stldancetheatre.org.

Improvising...not just an important skill for dancers...

We have a blizzard coming, and I am suddenly aware of how unprepared I am to be an adult. What do I do??? My thoughts immediately went back to 3rd grade, and I wish I had paid better attention. Do I get under my desk?? No, that's for an earthquake... Do I run to the cafeteria and crouch against the wall with my arms over my head?? No, that's for a tornado... Are you supposed to do anything for a blizzard? I've never done anything before, but is that because my parents just secretly did it for me? They should write these things down in a manual. It was always my parents' job to take care of me, so how am I supposed to take over the job without a manual? I've never actually had a real-person job, but isn't reading the manual the first thing you do when you start? 

Yesterday, Patrick very intently said to me, "Ellen! We need to seriously prepare ourselves for a power outage..." I stood listening and waiting for him to give me directions on how to do this, while he stood waiting for me to give him directions on how to do this. Neither of us knew, so naturally we just decided to deal with it later, grabbed our beer and wine out of the fridge, and settled down to watch a movie. Well...it's later and the blizzard is officially on it's way. At somewhat of a loss for what to do next, I cooked a box of pasta and a frozen pizza and stored them in the refrigerator. That should get us by for a while... Oh! I just realized that I cooked!!! That is a step in the right direction of becoming an adult! Maybe I don't need a manual... Although, if you don't hear from me in the next few days, send help.

Two big changes in 2011...

1. I started flossing. I never used to floss, and I never got cavities. Right now, you are either thinking, "Eww!" or, "Me neither, thank goodness someone finally came out and said it!" I am hoping for the latter. Sorry Alicia and Steve (my aunt/hygienist and uncle/dentist), I have been fooling you for years. I know, I know...why start now if I have had so much success in the past!? I figure that my days are numbered. I must say, though, there is nothing fun about flossing. It is hard to be motivated by negative reinforcement (preventing something aversive; e.g., cavities). Positive reinforcement (adding something positive; e.g., diamonds) is much more effective. Maybe I should try to work something out with Patrick...

2. We have a "grown-up person" couch! Patrick's college futon has officially been retired to the office. Here are some pictures of the Reed household circa 2011. Big improvement from the Reed household circa 2010...

Family room

Family room corner. Paintings I made to match the pillows in the office (see below).

Kitchen dining area

Orange bathroom

Bedroom with Louise. Every room has bits of black, white, and brown. Louise counts as the black and white for the bedroom. We try to encourage her to spend as much time in here as possible for decorative purposes.

Bedroom

Office with futon

Futon with pillows that match paintings

Office with Patrick

I don't want to talk about the guest room and the basement right now. They are currently under piles of laundry. 2011 is the year for flossing. 2012 can be the year for laundry...

I have never seen snowflakes that actually look like snowflakes...

...until now!!! I was driving home this evening during a snow fall, and my eyes focused on my windshield to notice the cutest mini snowflakes I have ever seen! I say "mini" because most of the snowflakey things I see are over-sized versions, such as Christmas ornaments, patterns on fleece pajama pants, or the ones I used to cut out of construction paper. Most real snowflakes look more like little dust balls of snow or little misshapen circles. Not these snowflakes, though. Oh, no. These were very snowflakey snowflakes!

"Ahhh! Look at that one!"

I tried to restrain myself from staring at the windshield, not through the windshield for the rest of my drive home. Each one that landed on my windshield spurred a rush of excitement in me. After many "Ahhh!"'s and "Oooh!"'s and "Eeek!"'s, I made it home safely and ran inside to get Patrick. He had to see this. He was really excited about the snowflakey snowflakes, too. We spent the next 10 minutes outside with a flashlight and a camera to make sure we documented the moment. 

They were actually more snowflakey in real life, but this gives you an idea.

To give you some perspective of what we were looking at

All these years I've been told that snowflakes are supposed to look like snowflakes, and I've never believed it until now. They should invent something that lets you see tiny mini cute things more easily...

I am most productive when I should be producing something else...

Today I am supposed to be working on my dissertation proposal.

Here is what I have accomplished so far:
-2 loads of laundry.
-1 Lifetime movie.
-Fantastic looking fingernails.
-Sparklingly clean jewelry.
-This blog entry.
-Checked email. And rechecked, and rechecked, and rechecked...
-Started unpacking my suitcase from Christmas.
-Dusted and vacuumed house.

Here is what I have not accomplished so far:
-My dissertation proposal.

Thank goodness I am getting my PhD. Otherwise, I would never get anything done...