What is this salty discharge? Is this crying?



A Seinfeld line is always appropriate...



This has actually become quite the problem for me. I keep spontaneously tearing up. I have always been rather emotional, but this is getting out of hand! I am literally so happy that I can't stop crying. This seems a little backwards, but I actually cry more when I am happy than when I am sad. So if you ever see me NOT crying, then you should be worried.

It all started in jazz class at StLDT when we were stretching to great music in a great space surrounded by great people. I became so overwhelmed with happiness that I started crying. And not just a light mist, but buckets of tears running down my face! And not just then...sometimes I mist up on my way to class in the morning, sometimes after I have a great class, sometimes when I think about how amazingly supportive my husband is, sometimes when I read StLDT's newsletter, sometimes when I see the smiling/excited faces of my directors and fellow dancers, sometimes when I write blog entries about how I can't stop crying-PULL IT TOGETHER, ELLEN!!! OK, I'm back.This can be slightly embarrassing, but I feel so lucky to have so much to cry about. Thank you, thank you, thank you to whichever "you" you might be. There are a million of "you", and I love you all!    

Thank God for hair gel...

I sometimes try to say "Thank goodness" instead of "Thank God," but it just doesn't have quite the same effect. Plus, I think it is OK if you really mean it. In this case, I really mean it. Thank God for hair gel! No matter how I feel in the morning, slicking on a dime-sized dollop (and on really dishevelled days, a quarter-sized dollop) makes me feel instantly put together. It's like a shot of adrenaline. I feel ready and excited to dance. Patrick even uses it before he goes to work. I will never be one of those dancers who can roll right out of bed and come to class in a ratty t-shirt with my hair all out of sorts. I've tried this before because sometimes I think those dancers look really cool, but it just doesn't work for me. A few weeks ago, my trainer gave me such a hard workout before class that I didn't even have the energy to change into a leotard or slick my hair before barre. Everyone looked at me like I must be about to keel over because that is just so out of character for me. I think they were genuinely concerned! Don't worry, I whipped out the Dep in between barre and center, so all was right with the world again. My Dep really helps me through those long, exhausting days. It is like a reset button on my energy level. As I am writing this, I am realizing how ridiculous it sounds...

I am also going to have to give an honorable mention to my minty lip gloss. This is step number 2 of operation "Ellen Feeling Put Together." ...................................................................................... (Sorry, I was having writers block so I needed to pause for a lip gloss application)...........................................................The moral of the story is that if you see me whip out my beauty products in between classes, try not to judge me as being vain. I probably just needed a little pick-me-up.

This is how I know my husband loves me...

He made me a cute mini stack of pancakes this morning (see photo). He also made me a regular sized stack, but we all know how I feel about cute mini things. That's it.

Cute mini stack of pancakes

A September to Remember

I know it's been a while, but it has been a crazy month! It's a long entry, but it is really like 5 posts in one. Here are the highlights of the month of September (in order of occurrence):

Weekend at the Lake

Patrick and I spent Labor Day weekend at the Lake of the Ozarks with Patrick's "hetero-lifemate" Andy and his family. The highlights from this weekend include great food (Andy's brother is a world-class chef...literally...not just in the way that people sometimes say that about people who cook well), the cutest mini spider web I have ever seen, great friends, lots of laughs, and a new revelation that I discovered about myself.

Patrick and his hetero-lifemate Andy

More about the spider web. It was a tiny spider web INSIDE of another spider web, AND there was a tiny spider inside! I am not the type of person to find spiders cute, or anything having to do with spiders for that matter...but this was a special case. It was cute and mini (see photo).

Cute mini spider web

Now more on my new revelation. It happened when Patrick, his hetero-lifemate, and I drove around the lake on a speed boat, after which my fingers were numb from gripping the side of the boat so I didn't fall out (I should mention that I didn't even come close to falling out, but you can never be too prepared). Anyway, I decided after this experience that I prefer to live my life on land and at a moderate speed. I have come to terms with the fact that I am more of a lazy river type of person (the lazy river still counts as land since I can see the bottom) than a roller coaster type of person, and I won't be jumping out of any airplanes any time soon. I am ok with this, and embracing it was my revelation. Patrick loves adventure, so I may "take one for the team every once in a while", but I am perfectly happy lounging on the pontoon boat going 5 mph with my drink that won't spill because we aren't going too fast (see photo), and with my hair still looking somewhat cute since it hasn't been mangled by the wind (see photo of the opposite of this).

Me lounging on a pontoon boat with a drink and somewhat cute hair

Me on the speed boat with no drink and NOT cute hair

Wedding Weekend in Minnesota

The next weekend, I hopped on a plane (not my favorite thing to do, since it doesn't fit within my terms of "on land" or "moderate pace," but this would be an example of "taking one for the team") to see my college friend Jeanine get married. My other college friends and I were the "personal attendants" of the bride, which really meant "purse carriers." The weekend was a blast, and it was great to see some good friends. We laughed a lot, which consequently was great preparation for my abs for my photo shoot the next week!

Photo Shoot

A select few...
 

The Longest Shortest Trip of our Lives

At this point, I am starting to realize that my doctoral oral exam is fast approaching. Luckily, September was so busy that I didn't have much time to worry about it, but the time came to get down to business. This time happened to coincide with my cousin Eric's wedding in Richmond, VA. Patrick and I like to call this weekend the "longest shortest trip of our lives." We left St. Louis at 7 pm on Friday, spent the night at my parents' house in Lexington, KY (a 5 hour trip), woke up Saturday morning and drove 9 hours to Richmond to make it with just enough time to get dressed for the wedding. We had a great time that evening, and then hopped in the car on Sunday morning to drive the 14 hours back to St. Louis. Not the best planning on our part, but this gave me tons of time to study for orals in the car! Plus, the whole trip really was worth it just to be able to say that it was the "longest shortest trip of our lives." I would drive 3 times that distance (and by drive I mean sit in the passenger seat while Patrick drives) just to be able to spend a few hours with my family. When all of my aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, parents, grandparents, etc. get together, we always have a blast. My uncle Kevin really taught me everything I know about snapping (see photo).

My uncle Kevin teaching me how to snap

Practicing to perfect it

How low can you go? Not very. Well, really I just choose not to...

 We got a lot of great dancing in. Ironically, during those songs that sing "how low can you go?" in some form or another, I am always the least low out of everyone (see photo). I figure that I do enough plies in ballet class, though, so I allow myself to be a little lazy.   

Doctoral Oral Exam

The day finally came for my orals. I started the day off with a training session with Tom and then ballet class, of course. I wanted to be distracted for as much of the day as possible. I have never not wanted a ballet class to end so badly in my life! It did, and I arrived at school about 2 hours early so that I could study my notes in the room I had reserved for the meeting. I was hoping to have the context of the room work for my memory retrieval (e.g., Godden and Baddeley, 1975). I am kind of joking, but kind of serious. Anyway, after about 10 minutes of sitting in the room, my nerves started to get to me, so I decided I needed put my notes away and do something else. There are not many un-psychology related things to do in the psychology building, so I basically just started pacing the hallways. I could not have picked a worse pair of shoes to wear that day. They are basically just solid blocks of wood that make the loudest sound imaginable with every step...but they are really cute (these things sometimes go unappreciated with Ph.D.'s, but I still make the effort). Anyway, after basically disrupting the entire building for 2 hours with my walking around, the time finally came.........................(pause for the 90 minutes of interrogation about my research).............................. It went great! My mentor (and committee chair) said that I did a "fantastic job," so I can finally breathe a sigh of relief! It was a very intense 90 minutes of questions and discussion, but by the end it was actually kind of enjoyable! The anticipation was definitely way worse than the event. That is what I say every time I get a flu shot, too. Now I am officially ABD (All But Dissertation...it's a real thing, not just something people say). Once I propose, carry out, write up, and defend my dissertation, I'M DONE! Actually, that sounds like a lot, but the hard part is definitely over.      

What's Next???

I watch TV! Finally! Oh, and I have a performance this Saturday at "Dancing in the Streets"!

And the eggs didn't hatch...I don't want to talk about it...

Keeping you posted, as promised...

So my turns are really coming along! I actually did four pirouettes in class yesterday when I was just messing around. I am not counting my chickens yet, though, because I still need to increase my consistency. Speaking of chickens... our chicks (or very possibly, molding eggs) that we (and by we, I mean Patrick) are attempting to hatch are due very soon! We are doubtful, however, because of how we acquired the eggs. We got them from Patrick's aunt Lynn. We were having lunch with her, and she brought us a carton full of fertilized eggs from her farm to eat. We somehow entered into a discussion of whether the eggs would hatch if we let them. She said that they might (although they had been sitting on her kitchen counter for awhile) and gave Patrick instructions. He promptly went home and set up a incubation system in our guest room. Patrick swears that the eggs are getting heavier, so we shall see...

 
My Bend and Snaps are coming along, too! I made the mistake, however, of telling Tom (my trainer) that I wasn't very sore after my first session. Don't ever do that... Anyway, before we start each set, he always asks me, "Does that weight feel too heavy?" At 8 a.m., it usually takes all of my motivation not to lie and say, "Yeah, I think I should probably use a lighter one." So far I haven't resorted to that, and I am already feeling stronger! Pretty soon, I might even stop doing my solo workouts in the dark corner of Powerhouse gym, and move to the room with the big guys! I'm pretty sure none of them use the 20 lb weights anyway, so I should have my pick of the litter when it comes to equipment! Plus, some of those guys make me feel much better about my puny little bicep vein.

I am also focusing a lot on the "cologist" portion of my life right now because my doctoral oral exams are coming up! I basically need to just be reading reading reading and immersing myself in my area of research so I can prove that I am an expert. Actually, I don't want to talk about this anymore because it is making me nervous...